Last Day

of school for the school I’ve been working at. I am relieved, but in a different way than I have the past few summers. I had a great year, and although the education system is not perfect, my passion and need to be a part of it has been renewed. Working with students in small groups, teaching English learners one on one, and not bringing home mountains of papers to grade has been a positive step in my growth as an educator. I just hope that I can grab a job for next year.

The Wetness!!

Its only been about 8 months since I moved here but I already feel like i have 15 different names for the northwest rain. The glass-half-full side of me sees this wet spring as a pathway to a late summer, but who knows?

I can't make a blanket statement and say I am tired of the rain. Some days in Portland are just gray. Gray as far as the eye can see. And that low wet gray can just feel oppressive, especially when the rain sprinkles its way in the whole time. It just makes it hard to want to go outside.

Then there are days like today, when periods of absolute downpour give way to brilliant sun-shows over the west hills, and the clouds feel as if they are giving off the same brilliant alpenglow I dream about when I think about the Chugach in Alaska, their golden color lights up the entire Willamette Valley. Mt. Hood pokes its way through and then a dark cloud rolls in and it starts to pour again as if the sun had never been here at all.

Some days the air just feels like fog. The mist thickens as you breathe and wraps around you. It doesn't feel like its raining until you realize that after 10 minutes you are soaking wet.

I've learned a new term in my time here, everyone from Portland and the PNW knows what a sunbreak is. The wetness that moves through the northwest can dump hour after hour and then all the sudden, the sun gleams through the clouds, and its warm. People poke their heads out of their houses like rodents poking out of the ground. The sun makes even the most reserved person want to get outside and dance, it is a gift after days of rain, it can dry the pavement in minutes. But usually the rain comes again.

Some of the rain feels like Central American rain, warm and humid--steamy like the rain forests in Panama. Some is bone-chilling, its colder than snow. It makes the body melt into itself.

The same rain can be stunningly beautiful and depressingly glum.

Tom Robbins says:

(the northwest) is the world headquarters of drizzle, and in autumn it leaves a damp gray rash on everything, as though the city were a baby that had been left to long in a wet diaper and then rolled in a newspaper.

Got Muddy Waters on in the background (perfect for the rain)

Crossing Wires

Hello dear followers. 

Daren here, just letting all of you know that I am currently experimenting with some different blogging platforms (different blog websites).  I tried Twitter for a little while at the moniker of redmorningdirt.  There is something poetic about only allowing a certain number of words in each post, but there is also something constricting about it.  So I haven't used it much.

So recently I opened an account with Tumblr to see if I can be more active with my posts.  Tumblr is a place to blog but it allows for short posts, and I can easily include pictures, music, and links to articles and other sites.  I think that I will be more active if I use it.  So I will continue to update posts here, but I will more frequently post on Tumblr on my site www.darenzook.tumblr.com  its called Swallowing China.  The links also show up on facebook. 

Tell me what you think.  I haven't figured out how to link emails to tumblr yet, but I believe that will come soon.   

If this all sounds like internet jargon to you, it may be.  :)

Enjoy your Saturday.

Daren

The only place a man can go

There is a scene in Be Here to Love Me where Townes Van Zandt is sitting around playing the first song he ever wrote.  Its called “Waitin around to die.” The camera pans out and focuses on a older black man in the background who is gently crying.  You could see the years in the mans face, and the pain he had dealt with.  It was as if Townes wrote the song for him.  It was at that moment that I realized how powerful that song was.

I’ve been playing a few Townes songs over the last couple years.  Specifically, “Pancho and Lefty.”  Its a song I was taught around the campfire in Alaska and its a song that will always remain special to me.  At that time I only knew that Van Zandt was an important songwriter, I didn't then completely understand his legacy. 

After watching this film, I am deeply and emotionally effected by Townes; not only his music, but who he was as a person and what he had to deal with.  According to the film he dealt with mental illness, serious family issues, and an affliction with drugs, alcohol, and songwriting. 

He was someone from a long list of artists who I believe wasnt made for this world.  Over the last few days, I have been singing his sings and each time I sing them, I feel like I understand them a little bit more.  His way with words is simple yet gently affecting. 

He does not have a perfect voice, nor should he.  But his songwriting power is immense.  Many of his songs have been covered by other artists, but here are a few originals to listen to:

Rear View Mirror - Townes Van ...

I recommend To live is to Fly, Pancho and Lefty, If I needed you, and

Colorado Girl.  You should also check out the documentary about him, even if you aren't already a fan.

Obsessions—Music is Art

If you know me at all you would know that I have a bit of an obsession with music.  In fact, music is most likely the reason I live where I live, I studied what I studied, and I teach what I teach.

The reality is that I spend far too much time scouring the web and the local weekly papers for great music.  There is so much amazing music available to us, and I, as a true American, have felt the need to own the good stuff.  If you saw my external hard drive’s music selection, you would either be impressed or disgusted. 

A little piece of me thinks that the ownership part of it all is a little bit overwhelming.  The reality is that just about any music that has been recorded in the last 60 years can be heard for free on the internet in a number of different places.  And if I really want to experience music in its purest form I should go see it live.  I do, but I also love to collect it. 

I thought I would share some music that I have been listening to lately.  I will link all of the songs so that you can listen to these artists and possibly buy the music for yourself. 

I chose to write about this because I truly believe that music is a high art, if not the highest of art forms.  Last night I went to a local record store, Music Millennium and listened to Laura Gibson give a beautiful in-store performance.  She was performing with Ethan Rose who I hadn't heard of and I was sufficiently blown away.  Her first album was touted by Sufjan Stevens and included some beautiful melodies and folk style songs.

The music she performed was closer to Avant Garde art than it was to folk.  Her and Ethan used a computer, a uke, an electric guitar, and a keyboard to create some ethereal sounds that I never would have expected.  At the end Ethan played the electric guitar with a violin bow and they looped vocals together to create an incredible mishmash of sounds. 

It was extremely interesting and titillating music. It reminded me that Music is art and that much of today’s “indie rock”  is pushing the boundaries of what music truly is.  Here is the entire album, I recommend putting on some tea and listening carefully.

Bridge Carols - Laura Gibson &...

Another album that just came out that I am really excieted about that I recently had a chance to listen to was Spoon’s new album, Transference.  I listened to an interview with them and am excited to expierience this album.  Some of it was recorded in Portland in one of the band member’s basements.  I really like the first song.  It is withheld and distant, yet you can feel the rest of the album barreling behind it.

Before Destruction - Spoon

I just finished listening to The David Rawlings Machine on NPR music.  They recorded a tiny desk concert that I think deserves a listen.  David Rawlings is Gillian Welch’s musical collaborator.  They worked together on this album.  The harmony that both of their voices create sounds like it is from another time. 

Here is the tiny desk concert

and at Daytrotter.com you can listen to them do a cover of Neil Young’s Cortez the killer, that would make Neil jealous.

I also went to an album leaf concert last Friday and was impressed with the opening band seawolf.  They put on a great live show although their album leaves something to be desired. 

The Album Leaf was good, but not hugely exciting for a live show. 

Now you know what I’ve been listening to, do you have any recommendations or comments?  Please let me know.

Pieces of Who We Are—II Meghan

I guess I didn't make it totally clear in the first post that this would be a series.  I may post a few people at a time, but they will be spread out over a few weeks.  I also really want to get some more input from others.  Please email me or comment with your passions and or things that you truly enjoy doing. 

                                                …..

Last summer, Meghan and I went on a little road trip to visit the Northwest and decide whether Portland was going to work as our new home.  Along the way I came up with a plan to meet and interview people who we met in different places. 

In our searches for new jobs and a new way to live in an economic crisis, I wanted to see what makes people tick, and really where their passions lie. 

The plan didn't materialize quite as well as I thought it might, mainly because there just wasn't enough time to stop in little towns along the way and talk to people.  Also as an interviewer, one must develop a certain amount of trust with the interviewee, especially when discussing something as intimate and private as “passion.”

Even though it didn't work exactly as I would have hoped, I did start the project with a few friends and family members.  I plan to interview more people over the next few months and encourage my readers to explore their passions and possibly send them my way.

                                             …..

Here are a few responses from people I talked to:

  Meghan is my dear partner and girlfriend who has been with me through the last 7 years.  Both of us came to Portland under somewhat dire circumstances.  And both of us have struggled within this new economy that we are all living in. 

Meghan has an amazing amount of patience and because of this patience she has supported me during our transition and recently taken on a new job with Metropolitan Family Services.

In college, she was on the pathway to become an English teacher, but after watching me go through the credential program and being involved in the education system herself, she realized that teaching wouldn't fulfill her professional needs.  She felt as if the education system doesn't leave any room for one on one relationships between adults and students, and it is too focused on a specific outcome not a humanistic, holistic outcome. 

She has since been involved in different community organizations, non-profits, and parks and recreation programs.  She dives into work head first and does a great job at it.  With the economy the way it is, we have seen non-profit organizations struggle, and she has been searching for a niche that fits her needs.  We both hope that her new job is able to fill that. 

Her response was also in the form of a list:

Down Vests/ Hot Showers/ Making things with my hands/ Green Tea/ Collages/ Cupcakes/ laughing with my mom/ Buying journals/ Sitting in the Sun/ Fresh Flowers/ Farmer’s Markets/ The “perfect bite” / My boyfriend on his good days/ Fountain Pepsi/ Walking on West Cliff Drive (Santa Cruz) Petting Dogs/ Yoga/ My Favorite Music/

Natural Born Lover - Sharon Jo...

Pieces of who we are- I

Last summer, Meghan and I went on a little road trip to visit the Northwest and decide whether Portland was going to work as our new home.  Along the way I came up with a plan to meet and interview people who we met in different places. 

In our searches for new jobs and a new way to live in an economic crisis, I wanted to see what makes people tick, and really where their passions lie. 

The plan didn't materialize quite as well as I thought it might, mainly because there just wasn't enough time to stop in little towns along the way and talk to people.  Also as an interviewer, one must develop a certain amount of trust with the interviewee, especially when discussing something as intimate and private as “passion.”

Even though it didn't work exactly as I would have hoped, I did start the project with a few friends and family members.  I plan to interview more people over the next few months and encourage my readers to explore their passions and possibly send them my way.

Here are a few responses from people I talked to:

…

Vanessa

Vanessa is a close friend that I went through the teaching credential program with.  She is an excellent high school English teacher, who has over the last four years of teaching made an incredible impact on her students but also questioned her place within the education system.

She had a difficult time thinking about what exactly it was that made her happy, but she was able to come up with some specific things that she truly enjoys.  And when she asked me the same question, I realized that it isn't easy to respond to.  Her response was in the form of a list:

Morning Espressos

Jumbles

Topography

Friendship

Farmer’s Markets

Yellow Sequined dresses

Non-Fiction

Holding my breath

NPR

Swimming

Holding Hands

Michelinis

Memoirs of a Sweet Vidalia Onion

The mid-August Central Valley heat beat down on my empty windshield and all I could do was look ahead at the muddled pavement that directed my journey.

When I am cut, I make people cry; the layers of my life build upon each other like an unfortunate romantic novel being read in the summer. All around me I am buried between others who are exactly the same but I feel so alone and so different.

“Welcome to the real word,” bluntly repeated by my riding partner. The words rang in my ears

This could be the last day that I am able to sit with my vegetable brethren from here on out.

Looking at that open door all I can do is shuffle in discomfort. With movement I see three or four of my friends bound listlessly from the sedentary pile. They scream with glee.

I don’t think my escape will be quite as gratifying

-I Found this in an old notebook, thought it was interesting

picture credit (http://www.hungryagain.net)

Disaster reading

As if you needed to read more about it.

He knew the conditions had begun to take a very real toll on his psyche…he had to watch, helpless, knowing how depraved it was---this was punishment…it diminished the humanity of them all. (Eggers 246)

I recently completed the book, Zeitoun by Dave Eggers and have been reading it throughout this week.  The book reads like a work of great fiction, but is a work of non-fiction that tells the story of a Syrian-American who lives in New Orleans through the hurricane.  Although the book is written beautifully and is completely engrossing, its reality was sometimes difficult to swallow, especially with the disaster that struck Haiti this week.  There were far too many parallels, but because of this timing, I think the reality of disaster has been very alive in my thoughts.

In typically brilliant fashion, Dave Eggers brings the story of a Katrina survivor to the general public. He tells the story of a man who tries desperately to deal with the disaster by saving other people’s lives with an aluminum canoe and who is eventually arrested and trapped in the disparaging world of post-9/11 Homeland Security profiling and degeneration because of his background and beliefs. 

Abdulramen Zeitoun, the main character says these simple but profound words about recovery : Every person is stronger now.  Every person who was forgotten by God of country is now louder, more defiant.  They existed before and they exist again. (Eggers 334) truly illuminating thoughts after disaster.

Eggers is careful to tell only this man’s story and clarify that it is only one account from the many and it is not a general history of Katrina.  Although Timothy Egan from The New York Times Book Review said this about the book:

 Fifty years from now, when people want to know what happened to this once-great city during a shameful episode of our history, they will still be talking about a family named Zeitoun.

I highly recommend the book and Eggers’ other narrative non fiction, What is the What.

…

That brings me to Haiti.  I know that New Orleans was a great debacle in our nations history, and I fear for the recovery from the earthquake in Haiti.  I did not know that so much energy and funding in New Orleans went to the building of temporary prisons and the capture of innocent persons.  After reading this book, I want desperately to help the people of Haiti, but I also want to make sure that my donations go to a place they can help and contribute to aid and not destruction.  I encourage everyone to give what they can.  Here are some reputable sources:

The American Red Cross –a reputable and well established group.  Your money will go to volunteer food and medical support

Doctors Without Borders –an orginization dedicated to giving medical help to people in great need.  They are performing open-air surgeries on card tables and could use all the support they can get.

Yele Haiti –Wyclef Jean’s relief organization.  A general fund with direct impact.

Snippets of a restful, rejuvenating holiday

Since I haven't had the opportunity to write in the last month or so I thought I would write a twitter style set of memories and moments that have passed through out the holidays:

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• Christmas brings up such elevated emotions for everyone.  The day school got out I helped navigate a weep-fest of 5th graders who decided that they wanted to talk about people in their lives who had died.
• …
• A little Somalian boy in one of my classes spent about 5 minutes touching my beard and telling me about his dad who he hadn't seen in years.

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I was hired as a ski instructor at mt hood meadows.

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California winter days brought some quiet winter sunshine.  It was something that I didn't even realize that I missed until I felt it come through the window.

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Christmas was less chaotic than usual, but it still had its scheduling difficulties, it is damn hard to organize 4 different families with ample time. 

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After Christmas, we went to Point Reyes and watched the incredibly large waves and elephant seals.  I forget how beautiful that state park is.  It would be such a shame to have to close it.

…

 

Sara and I drove north to Portland together and got to enjoy each others company.

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Its really strange to not have a teaching job and listen to my sisters stories as she begins her career. 

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I dealt with a little bit of homesickness because I didn't see all of my friends and my family time seemed cut short.

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I actually missed Portland!

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It snowed a good 3 or 4 inches in the city and it was beautifully quiet, aside from the screeched of cars that couldn't make it up the hill. 

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The new years brought fun and mayhem.  We ate a 5 course Moroccan meal at Marrakesh and then went to the Kennedy school for some debauchery. 

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On New Years day we all wrote down things that we wanted to leave behind in 2009 and it brought up some pretty intense feelings.

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I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a best of the year and decade list for my favorite music, movies and books but its taking longer than I thought.  I plan on revealing it soon.

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I hope the new year brings all of us joy, balance, peace, and a whole lot of love! 

Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael...