Doing my Part

I want to start this post by letting it be known that I don't have a terrible job. It seems that the negative experiences seem to constantly seep out in my online rants, but there are good things too. Like today for example a graduate from last year came to me and told me that she was in community college and she was there because of me. If I hadn't supported her, she wouldn't be in college right now. It gave me that warm fuzzy feeling.

In other news I was finally polled last night by a media group.

I always read about these political polls about where Americans are with their political leanings or interests and I think, "whatever, they never asked me!"

but they did, they did. My opinion, no matter how small it is will be heard. The two issues that I said were most important in the upcoming election were health care and the war. I thought about it and can't believe that I didn't say education. I guess I don't see the pitfalls as much working at a charter school, even though I am very aware of their existence.

My voice is heard, and I hope other voices are heard as well in this upcoming election.

Here is a link to an important bill that was just vetoed:
Let congress know what you think about children's health care.

listening to: Glen Hansard Once

The inadequacy principle

I've been trying to find inspiration for things to write about in my blog from my day to day life, but for some reason things just don't seem extremely inspiring lately.

At school, I've been dealing with a small group of students who are just completely rude and obnoxious to me. Conveniently, they are all students from last year and for some reason seem to have it out for me. The same student today told me that I will burn in hell and that everyone hates me. I know what your thinking... don't take it personally, he's probably dealing with his own demons it has nothing to do with you. But damn that is not easy. In the last week another student told me to F*** off when I told him to leave campus for smoking.

I try my best to not take things personally, but it isn't always that easy. And as an educator I know I'm supposed to say, "What is their strength?" or "How can I support these students' learning?" but I'm more prone to say, "How can I get these students out of my classroom, they are taking away from the other students learning and my credibility."

It may sound selfish but I'm done being a babysitter for students who just cant handle the structure of school or have these transferred feelings from a dilapidated past.

I wanted to tell this student to F off. I didn't of course, but I think those sort of incidents are slowly hipping away at my integrity and strength. I chose this profession to make change and help young people grow, especially those who aren't exposed to many opportunities for growth. But with these students I have tried again and again to give them what they need and I think I'm done.

I'm not done with the job, just with 3 or 4 kids.

listening to Greg Brown

Profundity

Long school days leave me exhausted with not much left at the end of the day. All I want to do is listen to some music or veg out on the couch, it makes it difficult to get school things done in the evening.

In other news, yesterday, I went surfing with a friend in a new spot here in Santa Cruz and I was surprised to find a much kinder, less-competitive crowd at this spot. I had a good time even though the good waves were few and far between.

Something that had bothered me about Santa Cruz over the last year has been the intensity of some Santa Cruz people, but specifically Santa Cruz surfers. There are a number of surf spots in town in which older surfers will heckle inexperienced surfers, put them down and even attempt to fight in the water. It was one of the biggest surprises i found moving here.

I always thought that surfers were generally a chilled out, mellow balanced group of people, but I've found that the contrary is true here at the popular spots. People are intense, competitive and generally mean. I don't know where this mean-ness comes from but I suspect part of it is a phenomenon that comes from growing up in the shadow of a tourist community, where people come and go all the time.

I see this same strange intensity in some of my students and I've brushed it off as normal teen angst, but I think that there may be something more, some hidden piece of aggression that comes from living in a place like this.

I'm always trying to find them out a little more, and I'm sick of surfers raining on my parade.

Winds of Autumn

This afternoon I was sitting on my couch as the wind battered my avocado plant against the window. These chilly winds made me feel as if fall is making its way into our lives again. For me, its so clear and refreshing when fall returns; summer is wonderful, but fall seems more real.

I Have almost made it through a month of teaching and it seems to have flown by. Daily, I am challenged by my students but I am beginning to find rhythm and balance in my job and life. It feels really good. I can't say that my teaching gig is great, but its certainly not terrible.

Fall Wind by Jean Lester


I find that there are specific groups of students who have decided that it is their job to argue with me and challenge my authority as a teacher. I am trying my best to not let them do that, to differ their energy in other ways, even if that means sending them out of the classroom. I am definitely not always good at that, I take their emotional beatings much more than I should, but I also want to support their growth and gain their trust, its just damn hard.

I was riding home with another teacher for about a week and we talked about how the job is good, but its rewards are very few and far between. sometimes the rewards seem non-existent. I just wish I could show my students how lucky they are to have teachers that care about them and put up with their angst and frustration. I don't think that many youth are aware of their privilege--but many adults aren't either.

I haven't been taking work home this year and its giving me a little more time to live, which is peaceful and wonderful. I went to the SC farmers market tonight and got some vegetables for dinner and it was quite pleasant. I now plan on finishing my book and listening to the new Wilco Album.

simple eloquence

One of my favorite authors, Sherman Alexie was in town last night. And he completely rocked.

If you don't know who he is, then you should. He is a prominent Native American author who has written some amazing books, but he might be best known for writing the screenplay for Smoke Signals.

I am having some of my students read one of his more recent books called Flight. Its about a half Native American foster child dealing with his own reality and his past.

He is know for his frankness about oppression of Native Americans and he deals with many disparaging stereotypes like alcoholism and casinos with humor and satire. He was no different at Bookshop Santa Cruz.

He started by making fun of Santa Cruz in a light-hearted manner. He talked about how its the only place you can find street performers offering tarot cards for money. He then said that he has some issues with the fact that his predominant audience is college educated white women, there was uncomfortable laughter when we all looked around.

He came back around to say that without capitalism, brown people, minorities would not be succeeding in the arts and that it is one of the powerful tools against oppression.

He was abruptly frank with the audience but in a very loving way. I have to say I was very nervous to talk to him, but he was very kid to me.

I have heard about past experiences where he will not come to a place to talk, unless he gets to work with the native community, and looking around the room at the bookstore, I realized that Santa Cruz doesn't have a very strong Native Community.

Here is one of his poems:

Evolution

Buffalo Bill opens a pawn shop on the reservation right across the border from the liquor store and he stays open 24 hours a day,7 days a week and the Indians come running in with jewelry television sets, a VCR, a full-lenght beaded buckskin outfit it took Inez Muse 12 years to finish. Buffalo Bill takes everything the Indians have to offer, keeps it all catalogues and filed in a storage room. The Indians pawn their hands, saving the thumbs for last, they pawn their skeletons, falling endlessly from the skin and when the last Indian has pawned everything but his heart, Buffalo Bill takes that for twenty bucks closes up the pawn shop, paints a new sign over the old calls his venture THE MUSEUM OF NATIVE AMERICAN CULTURES charges the Indians five bucks a head to enter. Sherman Alexie

Portland, OR

a Wind Swept Street,
Walk hand in hand
two.

a restless vagabond
a peaceful warrior

tangled in fortune

In different places,
So much the same.

an artisans cart
illuminated by the sun
through circus umbrellas
rolls softly into the evening
passing
as the street fair winds to a stop

suddenly chanting merchants
belt out an east African soliloquy
while passing shoppers accord an unimposing brief grin

and evenings sun dances through Belmont street
in a lovers tangle with the late summer winds

and the two
continue to walk hand in hand
enchanted
by a fleeting moment.

Not Poetry

After almost completing two weeks of school, I feel as if I've already been working for a month. It's amazing how quickly everything swings back into motion:

Routines
Fatigue
Disrespect
Learning?

I was greeted on the first day with an unavoidable need to argue and completely disrespect me as a teacher. I was a bit disgruntled because I came back with such a positive attitude, and they came back with their fists raised (not in a form of solidarity, but ready to spar)

I am reminded by the New teacher project that I must focus on the positives and the accomplishments so far. Well, the students are excited about reading, they are totally enthralled with the drug and alcohol drenched memoir of Noah Levine, Dharma Punx. It makes me excited that students are so excited about a book. I just hope they are able to dig deep enough to get the true messages of redemption and self integrity woven into the narrative.

We have a new teacher who is very excited to collaborate and work on creating a backpacking/outdoor club with me, which I have wanted to do for awhile.

I started the New Teacher Project today and will be able to share ideas with other teachers from around the county.

The new students have a much deeper understanding of respect and have been absolutely positive in their interactions with me.

So really, things aren't all that bad. There is potential for greatness this year.